"ABRAXIA THE DANCER" by JTK.CA -- (23 Poems)

"ABRAXIA THE DANCER" contains 23 of my poems inspired by a woman named Abraxia.
She is real; her name is not. I used to have an unrequited crush on Abraxia;
we were never more than friends.

TAD is "JTK.CA" NudistPoet
Jonathan Tad Ketchen (Creative Adventurer)

2008-05-22

"ABRAXIA DANCES WHILE LIP-SYNCING TO SINÉAD O'CONNOR SINGING 'TROY'" ::: Poem by JTK.CA

"ABRAXIA DANCES WHILE LIP-SYNCING TO SINÉAD O'CONNOR SINGING 'TROY'" ::: Poem by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I see a curtain slowly open,
Revealing Abraxia.
Crouched forward on the stage
With her head between her knees,
Slowly,
With the music fading in,
Slowly lifting her head,
She begins to softly sing,

"I'll remember it . . . ,"

Slowly swaying to her feet
As her feet, hands, and face paint a picture of pain
Felt more deeply than any physical wound;
Determined to break forth from the fear and the pain,
To reveal who she really is--
A warrior of truth
Blasting the flaming blowtorch of truth
Into the very face of Deception,
The face she loves but must leave.

Slowly,
With the music fading out,
She plummets (slower than a feather falls)
Under the crushing weight of
The blowtorch of truth, now buried deep within her soul.

Crouched forward on the stage
With her head between her knees,
Abraxia slowly fades
Behind a closing curtain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SINÉAD O'CONNOR SINGING "TROY"

2008-05-21

"I HANDED YOU A STAR (For Abraxia)" by JTK.CA

"I HANDED YOU A STAR (For Abraxia)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll never forget that night,
No matter who comes into my life.
You gave me a new soul,
And I handed you a blue foam star.

No, I'll never forget that feeling
When from your dance my heart was reeling
And my whole existence was moving
Onto a whole new plane of reality.

I'll never forget that night,
No matter who comes into my life.
No matter how hard you try,
You can never escape from my memory.

You gave me a piece of your soul that night,
And no matter how hard you try,
You can never get it back again.
And I will never be again,
No matter how hard I try,
Who I was before I met your heart.

That night, we made a start
Of something we can never end.
So, in this heart you gave me,
You will always be my friend.

The star, someday, will burn away,
But in my heart you'll always stay.

2008-05-20

"3 SINÉADS..." by JTK.CA

"3 SINÉADS (Dedicated to Sinéad O'Connor, the First Sinéad; Abraxia, the Second Sinéad; and Nancy McDermott, the Third Sinéad*)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One is singing.
One is dancing.
One is stretched on a grave in a graveyard.

You are the third one,
Living a song
Sung by the first,
Danced by the second.

One song shared by three
Will never explain the mystery
Of me and you and her and her.

Living with the lie of death,
You're not deceived
But you cry just the same
For death leaves a stain
Of memories of a friendship
Never to be lived again
In this world of fools.

Nothing I know
Of why
The first and second
Sing and dance.

But I do know
You each deal with your unique griefs
In separate ways,
Feeling so the same
While you feel so different.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
* Nancy McDermott, the third Sinéad (in this poem), is my fellow poet, best friend, and kindred spirit.

2008-05-19

"THE FEAR OF KNOWING (Ode to Abraxia)" by JTK.CA

"THE FEAR OF KNOWING (Ode to Abraxia)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lost in the beauty of whom I see,
In a crowded room, I look at you,
Longing to know how you feel about me.

As my eyes meet yours, I realize
You were already looking at me
Before my vision met your eyes.

Do you know?
Do you fear?
Are you waiting with an open ear?
Because
I do know;
I do fear;
I've been waiting, staying near.

Never knowing the right approach,
I've been waiting and waiting,
For fear I'd encroach.
Never knowing what time is right,
I've been waiting and waiting,
Night after night,
Day after day,
Silently singing an unsung love song.

2008-05-05

"FORCED ENTRY INTO THE NUBIAN PRETZEL WHIP..." by JTK.CA

"FORCED ENTRY INTO THE NUBIAN PRETZEL WHIP
(Dedicated to the [persistence of] memory
of Salvador Dalí (1904-1989) with a fruit
cocktail over a roaring fire of destruction
in the wake of a subatomic age)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Break the mold
I'm feeling old
Too predictable
I want to be
Not like I have been

I'd rather be
Feeling close to
Latent ideas swimming in a sea of mud
Uninhibited
Fuzzy little clothlike Weebles
Going for a spin in their family car
There they are!
Weeeeeeee!!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Break the mold
I'm feeling quite too silly
Back to normal
Paranormal
Philosophical
Theological
Let's put God in a box again
And watch the box explode, leaving Him standing
Before our unbelieving eyes
Breaking all the ties to Nothing and
Nothing's brother and sister
Nowhere and Never

But soon Everything
Their first cousin once removed
Breaks in and binds my heart with chains of wax

And uninhibited little fuzzy clothlike Weebles
Rescue my heart from Everything
My heart's worst enemy's best friend
It's like wearing long underwear on a hot summer day
Or swimming naked in a sea of ice

I remember one of my high school friends
In the locker room
Wearing his Santa Claus underwear*

I remember a high school play and
A fellow student actor
Playing a woman--
Wearing a wig--
And scratching his nonexistent breast

I remember a certain girl in college
Peaking through the closed venetian blind
From behind it--
Plastered between the window and the blind--
And proceeding to hang from the chandelier--
A girl surreally plastered from watching
"Pink Floyd: The Wall"^

I remember myself
Leaping off the edge of imagination
Freeing the darkness within
Full of nonexistent excuses defending my behaviour.
And still (now and then)--
Long since having repented--
It's hard to forget something I rarely remember
But when I do
It makes me think how much Nothing really means

Break the mold
I'm feeling much too introspective in an extroverted way
Back to normal
Paranormal
Philosophical
Theological
Let's put God in a box again
And watch the box explode, leaving Him standing
Before our unbelieving eyes

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* I wrote this poem in the early 1990's,
but this stanza took on a new significance
for me after my best high school friend,
Dan "the mighty tundra" Bibeau, died in a
car accident on December 2, 1994. Dan could
always make us laugh, and the Santa Claus
underwear was one prime example.

^ As you may have guessed, the "certain girl in college" was Abraxia.

2008-05-03

"GOOD?-BYE" by JTK.CA

"GOOD?-BYE" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's a vacuum in my soul
That's longing for you to fill its void.
There's an emptiness within
That makes me feel so paranoid--
Paranoid that my future
Will be so grim,
Paranoid that it's my future
You won't be in.

I DON'T want to live without you.
I really want you to stay.
I DON'T want to live without you;
But if it must be so,
I'll do it anyway.

And I'll still love you
More than crimson words can say!

2008-03-24

"IN RETROSPECT, THE GIFT" by JTK.CA

"IN RETROSPECT, THE GIFT" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fahrenheit 451"
--The temperature at which books burn--
That's the book I gave to you.

The book won't burn
Unless you hold it in your hand
While next to you too close I stand,
For at Fahrenheit 451
My love does burn for you.

The book won't burn with my furnace closed.
The flames are burning deep inside.
Until God opens up the door
My flaming secret's safe inside.

When God opens up the door,
The flames will scorch the book you hold.
Flames dashing from the open kiln,
Every page will be no more.

The book is gone.
Just you and I
Standing silent,
Eye to eye.

The book was kindling for the fire,
A means of finding your desire.

Did the fire warm you, like I hoped it would?
Or did it burn you, like I knew it could?

I don't know. What's your desire?
I don't know. God built the fire.

The book is gone.
Just you and I
Standing silent,
Eye to eye.

2008-03-23

"VACATION SONG {'...now I have forever (sort of).' --Abraxia}" by JTK.CA

"VACATION SONG
{'...now I have forever (sort of).'
--Abraxia}" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A vacation lasts forever in the mind,
Though surrounded by work on both sides.
But in this finite eternity I shall hide.
Yes, "now I have forever (sort of)."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tad's Note:
"...now I have forever (sort of)" is a quote from a letter my
friend Abraxia wrote to me. I thought it was one of
the most profound statements I'd ever read, so I incorporated
it into this poem, "VACATION SONG." In the mid-1990's I put out
a book of my first 482 poems which I called "MEMORIES OF TOMORROW";
however, during the compilation process, one of the collection's working titles was
"NOW I HAVE FOREVER (SORT OF)."

2008-02-12

"MEMORIES AREN'T ENOUGH" by JTK.CA

"MEMORIES AREN'T ENOUGH" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have your picture here--
Tiny, grainy, black & white.
Oh, how I long to have you here--
Real, full of colour, full of life.
Or how I wish that I were there,
Once again to share our lives.

If I had my way
I'd fly away
To see the one I love, today!

My memories aren't enough for me--
Too faint to grasp, too dim to see.
I want to be where I want to be;
I want to be with you.

2008-02-11

"LONGING..." by JTK.CA

"LONGING..." by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was time to make a wish,
My birthday candles staring me in the face,
Burning their fiery imprints into my vision,
Waiting for my answer.
Melting hot wax onto icing,
They waited and waited
As I saw your face in each fire,
Longing for the courage to pursue your love
And never give up until I win your heart.
But I didn't have the guts.
And the flames died
As I blew out hope.

And I still wish without conviction,
Have my dreams of you and me,
Longing for something I'm afraid will never happen,
Wishing it would,
Wishing you understood
And felt the same.

Love is so confusing.
How can something so strong
Make me feel so weak?

I long for you!

2008-02-10

"JUST FRIENDS" by JTK.CA

"JUST FRIENDS" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here we go again!
Is it you and me?
Or are we
Just friends
Again?

2008-02-09

"THE TIDE" by JTK.CA

"THE TIDE" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Broken moonlight--
Shattered on the ocean
As the tumult rolls toward the shore.

Broken dreams--
Shattered in my waking hours.
We are here, but each alone.

Broken moonlight--
Shattered on the ocean.
I am sitting on the sand;
I'm also made of dust,
And I'll be washed away
(Every grain)
When the tumult comes.

2008-02-04

"A PRAYER TO GOD FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE..." by JTK.CA

"A PRAYER TO GOD FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE
(Written at a Sinéad O'Connor Concert)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You make the lights pulse.
You make the music pulse.
You make my heart beat so fast.
You have the power to grant my dream.

Adam was alone
And so am I.
So don't let me down.

I thought You said, "Love never fails."

Oh, prove Yourself to me.
Or do you want my disbelief?

I love You, whatever You say,
Especially when I don't understand,
Like now.

I've humbled myself by pleading.
I've called your "bluff."
Now it's time to lift me up.

Do what I request,
Since I ask in Your Name
For Your glory.

It's time, God.
It's up to You
And down to me.
Now, please bring her
To seat 44 24 14,
Next to me.

What's one person
In a world of five billion?
She means the world to me!

It's time, God.
It's up to You
And down to me.
Save me from myself
If need be.
But I still want her more than
Anyone but You.

I asked in Your Name,
For Your glory.
Or am I just fooling myself?

I still want her more than anyone but You.
Or am I just fooling myself?

It's up to You
And down to me.
Save me from myself
If need be.

At least, I know
I'm no fool
For loving You.

2008-02-03

"VALIANT" by JTK.CA

"VALIANT" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could say something valiant
But it wouldn't be true.
Your love for me
Is not my love for you.

When I call you "my friend,"
Things haven't changed.
I'm still crazy for you;
These feelings remain.

Saying, "Hello!" to my beautiful memories of you
Again and again, a thousand times every day!
Asking, "Why?" to these memories so blue,
Memories of tomorrow dreamt again and again.

Tell me why I fell head over heels
For the woman of my dreams if my dreams weren't true.
I want to know, will these feelings ever end?
But if they stay or leave, I'll still always love you!

I could say something valiant,
But my heart holds a flame.
Though the wick has been trimmed,
I melt just the same.

2008-02-02

"THE CONTINUING QUEST TOWARD UNDERSTANDING MYSELF..." by JTK.CA

"THE CONTINUING QUEST TOWARD UNDERSTANDING MYSELF (Based on an Imaginary Conversation)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You ask me to name my favourite song.
I ask you to say where we went wrong.
My favourite song is Suzanne Vega's "The Queen and the Soldier."
You answer me,
"We went wrong in another song we shared,
One that made you hope I cared,
But my friend, I know this cannot be."
You ask me to play a different tune.
I answer you, "It's much too soon."
I ask you for a shred of hope.
You say, "That would mean your hope's in shreds."

Well, you've conquered me.
I don't know what I want,
My hope's in shreds,
And all my dreams are dead.

But I love you still.
And I still feel this feeling I'm not sure I feel anymore.
I still wish for things with pessimism,
Still cry these lonely (but not sure they're lonely) tears.
Late teens and early twenties--The Confusing Years.

2008-02-01

"VALIANT (PART 2)" by JTK.CA

"VALIANT (PART 2)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I could say something valiant
But it wouldn't be true.
I covet you.

I don't let my longing leave.
My hopes don't set you free.
I covet you,
Think more of you
Than I should.
My Saviour patiently waits for me to wake.

Not to covet my neighbour's possessions,
I covet her soul,
Wanting her as my wife,
Forgetting Jesus is life.
I know I'm wrong,
But it feels so good, this pain,
Chasing after the vain,
The selfish desires of a lust-torn heart,
Lust for an artificial filling in the pie of life.

I could say something valiant
But it wouldn't be true.
I covet you.

2008-01-31

"BUXOM WOMEN FLOATING ON THEIR TOENAILS*" by JTK.CA

"BUXOM WOMEN FLOATING ON THEIR TOENAILS*" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Living in a bankrupt world:
Who goes under?
Who is a gigantic, smashing success?
Who is lining his pockets--
Stripping someone else's?
Who is bailed out?
Who is swept under the rug?

You may be fine tomorrow.
You may be dead tomorrow.
You may be rolling in money tomorrow.
You may not keep yourself fed tomorrow.

"Buxom women floating on their toenails"*
Used to be absolutely ravishing.
But today, we'll keep you fit and trim
With our new miracle diet pill program.
Please send an S.A.S.E. (you've been
"Suckered And Sold Envelope")
With your hard-earned money (so we can
Sit back and relax).

Ignorance will never make you blind to
The cruelties of economics.
You see painfully and clearly what's going on,
While wondering...
"What's going on?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
* A quotation of Abraxia during a phone conversation

2008-01-30

"RAINBOW SUN..." by JTK.CA

"RAINBOW SUN (Inspired by a phone conversation with Abraxia)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love you," you said to me,
Introducing the phrase
As if it were floating upon a majestic river;
Points of rainbow sun,
Sparkling in the surging blue;
Gushing, fluent rainbow foam
With a streamlike peace,
Leaving me flooded with joy!

I love you too!

2007-12-07

"LONG-DISTANCE CALL ACROSS TIME ZONES AND YEARS" by JTK.CA

"LONG-DISTANCE CALL ACROSS TIME ZONES AND YEARS" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was going to write a note
To remind myself...
But how could I forget
When out of the blue,
"Who are you?"
Came from her nervous mouth.

The one whom I had treasured all these years
Was close to tears
As she told me of her fears
Of me getting too close to her.

I confessed my obsession over her
But that it had slowly abated
Through the years
As I got over my tears.

When I promised not to get too close,
We came closer to an understanding,
And we both stopped shaking.

It was very close to being the end,
But I hope, instead,
That we've sculpted a new beginning.
Only time will tell
As the years spin on
And I learn to write songs
About
Not saying too much,
Not showing too much,
Learning to respect her wishes over mine.

Truth sometimes hurts,
But it makes things a lot easier
Than if it had never come along.

"THINGS (Abraxia's song)" by JTK.CA

"THINGS (Abraxia's song)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You give me too many things.
I don't want things.
I'm drowning in your affection for me.
I want you to be thingless
When you come to me.
I want to see you,
Not your products,
Not your creations,
Not your poems.

You give me too much of your heart
And try to manufacture love for you in mine.
But I regret to inform you,
You're not licensed to work in my factory of emotions.

You give me too many things.
I don't want things.
Be thingless when you come to me.

Then, maybe things with us can happen--
As friends,
As friends,
As friends.

"SUPERFICIAL" by JTK.CA

"SUPERFICIAL" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so desperate for your love, girl,
But would I really be happy if I found it?

Jesus loved me so much
And was so desperate for my love
That He died for me.
I found He loves me fully,
And I love Him superficially.

I'm so desperate for your love, girl,
But would I really be happy if I found it?

You want to befriend me superficially.
Well, what did I expect
If that's how I treat the Lord?

2007-11-11

"THANK YOU (To Abraxia)" by JTK.CA

"THANK YOU (To Abraxia)" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You've been a well of inspiration,
Bringing me closer to the God
I never knew as well as now.

Are you my guardian angel?
I don't know,
Yet I know you better than I know anyone else.

You're the friend who never lets me down.
You only build me up
More than you'll ever know.

Together we go
On separate tracks
Toward the same station,
God's Holy Nation.

Leading different people
In each train,
Someday soon
We'll meet again.

Destination reached
Safe and sound,
We'll meet the God
We've sought and found.

On that someday-soon, I'll say to you,

"You never let me down.
God's handing you your crown.

You only made me grow
More than you'll ever know.

You only made me see
It's Christ that I most need."

2007-11-10

"THE TETHER SNAPS" by JTK.CA

"THE TETHER SNAPS" by JTK.CA
Tad@NudistPoet.com
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN
http://NudistPoet.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been over you for years,
Though I'm consumed by thoughts of you today.
The cord of love pulls tight,
But the tether snaps
When reality bursts into
This empty room.